Death & Loss

To Kaitlyn, a Girl I Will Never Know.

I’ve been wanting to write this to you for a while. I go to work, and though I’ve never met you, I think about you. I talk to a patient, and while I’m standing there, there you are again, tugging at my heart. Maybe it’s because I know of your mom, and I know of her heartbreak. Maybe it’s because I know you will never be able to doย what you were meant to do.

This is what I know about you. You were a medical student. You went to school in North Carolina. You cared for people.ย And you wanted to care for them at the greatest capacityย possible. You wanted toย helpย peopleย during their times of sickness, strengthen them in their weakness.ย But your life was robbed from beneathย you. Soย this will never happen. And the world hasย lost another great physician.

I hear you were a loving person, one who illuminated the day of allย whomย you came across. Of course you did. You were your mother’s shining star. But what no one knew, and what you didn’t reveal until your departure, was that you were also suffering. Deeply. But you were good at hiding it with your smile. And because it was a genuine smile, we were beguiled. Especially those closest to you.

bench

When I think of you, my heart aches. Maybe it’s because I feel that I understand you better than I have a right to. Maybe it is because I once smiled a similar smile. I weep because of what you did, and because I think I understand why.

When I think of you, my soul is anguished. You were going to be a remarkable physician. You would have touched others with your empathy, changed lives with your care. They would have remembered you, not simply because you wereย the one who eased their suffering andย comforted their souls, but because your spiritย would haveย brightened theirย lives. No one had the right to take that away from you.

I’m sorry I never got to know you.

But even now, you will not be forgotten.

โ€ข

โ—Š A Tribute to her Mother: Rhonda Elkins โ—Š

โ—Š A Poem Dedicated to Kaitlyn and her Mother โ—Š

13 replies »

  1. i know suicide people, my babydaddy for instance. i wonder about reincarnation – maybe suicide people know or “feel” something somehow – they have a job to do that they can’t finish or do in their current physical incarnation and have to go on to the next step so they can carry on … just a thought – i think our culture is taught wrong about death in its entirety, suicide, sex, among i’m sure many other things. I love you.

  2. Very touching blog !! I’m so glad there are compassionate people surrounding you Rhonda!! Thoughts and Prayers to you and your Family !!!

  3. Oh thank you so much for writing this about my wonderful daughter! You don’t know how much this touched me. She would have been a great physician, but now the world will never know that because depression killed her. You don’t know how your post has touched me and I hope you don’t mind that I re-blog. Thank you.

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