We did it. We took it out.
Slowly, the oxygen saturation dropped.
Gradually, the alarms sounded.
Insisting. Imploring us to do something.
We turned them off.
Made him comfortable.
But we knew we couldn’t hide the truth.
We were letting him suffocate.
~ ~ ~
A lucid man.
A failing lung. A decision made.
A breathing tube placed—just temporarily—
until the lungs healed.
Until they got stronger. Until he got stronger.
But I saw the regret the moment it was inserted.
Nevertheless. We agreed to give it a chance.
But days passed. Then weeks.
No improvement.
Being alert, he communicated with us well.
Through his writing, I got to know him well.
His adventures. His best memory. His regrets in life.
He was a good man.
But a man who never desired to live like this.
While the family disputed on what course of action to take next,
he remained calm and unwavering.
“Please let me go.” was what he would say.
Then finally the moment came.
The time to say goodbye.
~ ~ ~
That day, I let myself weep during rounds.
In front of a crowd of stoic faces.
To weep over a friend.
To weep over a human being.
Over his courage.
An impossible decision.
The loss of a life.
Everything.
Because I didn’t want to do it. But I did.
I let go.
• • •
Categories: Death & Loss, Medicine
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It moves me that you write poetry about your work. The dying have a place among the living. Your words give this man dignity. Your tears show your humanity. <3
Thank you for your kind sentiments, and for taking the time to read! Much blessings. 🙂
Through your words, I felt a glimpse of what you must have felt in this experience—powerful writing. Thanks for sharing a different view of the world than I usually get to hear. And thanks for your follow of Heart of Life Poetry, I appreciate it.
Thanks for taking the time to read! Best wishes. 🙂
Wow Phoebe! *hugs* (Not much of a comment but your poem and the story behind it leave me speechless)
*big hug* back! 😉
I am both extremely glad and sorry for what you experienced. Glad, because of your caring nature and obvious love for what you do is expressed. Sorry, because a person under your care became your friend and then left you. I wish all docs had your heart and soul.
That’s exactly how I felt. Sad for the situation, yet thankful I got to know him. Thanks so much for your kind words. Much blessings- phoebe
Powerful story.